The glamour and panache of working for an airline has slowly been eroded away over the years to become the stale smell of compressed air and lost dreams that the job now stands for today.
Few people can reach the level of thinly masked contempt that the average face-painted, dead-eyed air hostess seems to convey throughout every step of the travel process. In a way I can appreciate the discomfort of spending your days trapped in a flying box reeling out the same vapid statements to the holidaying masses. However, it is this feeling of institutional authority peering down at you throughout the whole process that makes it such a shitter.
The Air Travel Safety talk about crash landing at sea is, for me, the pinnacle of this insulting attempt to instil calm and authority into the ignorant herd of toblerone-carrying boarding-card holders.
The sheer comedy of the inflatable yellow sea-slides leave me feeling drained. Maybe I m wrong but have you ever seen a passenger plane successfully crash into the sea?
Dont forget your little lifejacket light and whistle, in case you need to attract attention. I would have the thought the flaming plane wreckage would do the job.
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“You can leave by the exits here, here and here” – they do that bit with such a flourish, and after having done it so many times it is actually meaningless, that they aren’t even pointing at the exits. I followed where she was pointing, and it appeared as though there was an exit in the overhead storage device, one in the window, and one in the floor. What a waste of time.
Have you looked at the faces of the ‘evacuees’ in the safety information booklets – “in the seat pocket in front of you”? Seem to be awfully calm for those facing an uncertain future.
And can you imagine any normal woman leaving her shoes behind in the plane? Puhleeeze.
…and the uselessness climaxes as the poor ladies go through the whole “sea landing” bit as we about to take off for a 6 hr flight over solid land! I mean looking at the flight plan, the “flying bus” driver would actually need to go waaayyyy out of his way…but worry not, everyone gets a whisle!
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