The Shitopedia » Bindi

The Celebrity Ascent of Kilimanjaro

Bindi — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 19:51:40 +0000

It was sooooo hard and they were almost sick. The poor little celebs had to climb a big mountain. They even raised £1.6 million in the process. Well done. But what they didn’t tell you was that it took 33 climbers, 2 doctors, 100 porters, two runners and half a tonne of broadcasting equipment to [...]

Twitter

Bindi — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 09:34:29 +0000

Useless and faddy. Jamie Oliver has tainted it and you know it’s not cool when politicians blame it for terrorism. If I was really cynical I might say that the Mumbai bombers were actually the PR staff.

Moving House

Bindi — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 19:20:20 +0000

I’m not actually putting house moves into the Shitopedia. In fact, seeing new places and having a change of scenery can be an inspiring thing to do and enrich the soul. What I do have a problem with, is the several months of being “on hold” that goes with it. A certain British telecommunications company [...]

Vibrating “Food Ready!” Gadgets

Bindi — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 21:40:46 +0000

I was in the cafe in Marks and Spencers today, when a little old lady nearly had a heart attack. The shock was palpable and everyone on the surrounding tables jumped. There was a sound like the end of the world which turned out not to be a mobile phone, but something much noisier and [...]

List of People Who Have Said “I’m So Blessed”

Bindi — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:04:22 +0000

Here’s the blacklist of people who claim to be among God’s chosen ones: Jenny McCarthy Nicole Kidman Katherine McPhee Michael J Fox Jessica Simpson Madonna Big Gun Yolanda Adams Movado Let us know if you come across any more.

Chipmunks Singing Hip-Hop

Bindi — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 03:59:06 +0000

Speed up a good song and then rap over it. A timeless money-spinner. However, it sounds stupid and really gets on my nerves. Listen to this selection.

Leeds Underground Radio

Bindi — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 15:34:41 +0000

One day, driving through Leeds, we came across some sort of pirate radio showcasing the most home-spun hip-hop you’ve ever heard. The funniest thing about it is, the backing tracks are always quite good – the DJ’s use the same technology as the best hip hop artists on the scene. All you need is some [...]

Gnomes

Bindi — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 13:13:31 +0000

Unnerving, unnecessary and easily broken. Why would anyone want to clutter up their garden with these talismen of evil? Gnomes are a tradition of sorts, but their man-made ugliness always detracts from what could be a nice garden. Not only that, but they’re way below eye-level and seem to smash upon impact, leading to awkwardness [...]

Management Speak Invades Local Government

Bindi — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 21:25:00 +0000

The Age has produced a fantastic report on the use of management speak in government. We’re quoting them here but click on this link to see the original report: British bureaucrats have been warned: no more synergies, stakeholders or sustainable communities. The body that represents the country’s local authorities has told its members to stop [...]

The Sydney Morning Herald

Bindi — Tue, 20 May 2008 16:22:19 +0000

A simple biology lesson here: babies are brought forth from the womb, not the stomach – so why avoid the fact in a newspaper headline? The Sun devotes an entire department to catchy headlines and puns, yet the New Zealand Herald seems unable to muster any sort of excitement or effort in its reporting of [...]

Spam, Spam, Spam

Bindi — Fri, 09 May 2008 17:57:38 +0000

Want some male enhancement? New blouse bunnies? Extend that schlong. Spam can actually be fairly amusing at times – that is if it hasn’t just shut down your server, e-mail account or got you in trouble with your boss. I’m amazed at the number of names for intimate body parts they’ve thought up in the [...]

Customers and Clients (“Stakeholders”)

Bindi — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 16:47:03 +0000

The only way to truly ruin a day is to have to deal with an irate customer or hair-splitting client. In one weekend job I had an indignant customer who complained because the assistants didn’t know how to give a refund in pounds to a customer who bought an item in France – before the [...]

Radio Jingles

Bindi — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 10:44:26 +0000

“1xtra, 1xtra, News, News, 1xtra News”. Anyone who listens to the radio all day will understand what I mean when I say radio jingles suck. They repeat the title, or parts of the title several thousand times in different voices as though we don’t get the point. Anyone who has seen Family Guy season 5, [...]

The Latest in Misreporting

Bindi — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 13:03:14 +0000

So-called Sudanese refugee gangs in Australia were consistently misreported as roaming and pillaging when closer inspection on an evening watchdog showed that, in fact, the videos shown on the news actually displayed white robbers watched by Sudanese shoppers. That was 2007. This year has fared no better with the boyfriend of Sally Anne Bowman, the [...]

Tom Cruise -what a nutter

Bindi — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 22:13:49 +0000

Tom Cruise has truly gone nuts. I’m not one to believe everything I read at the hairdresser’s, but South Park must have hit the nail on the head. I didn’t know how warped his mind was until I saw this performance on Oprah. It doesn’t end there, though. David Letterman also felt the full force [...]

Otis the Aardvark

Bindi — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 22:46:57 +0000

Surely the most annoying character that the BBC has ever come up with. Not cute. Not funny. Just really, really annoying. You’d have thought that the licence fee would at least cover some decent script writers.

Poor Grammar

Bindi — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 09:19:16 +0000

Owing to a number of comments and posts on the subject, the time has come for poor grammar to be given a special mention here on The Shitopedia. I do not pretend to be a literary giant or a guardian of my mother tongue. I, too, make mistakes and typos. However, poor grammar in its [...]

“Peace out”

Bindi — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 03:38:54 +0000

A hideous phrase used by sancitmonious little brats all over the English speaking world. The reason for my distaste is exemplified in the film, “Cruel Intentions”, in which the unsuspecting Cecile is groomed to sexual awareness by the svelte and savvy Sebastian, only to bid him farewell with a two-finger peace-sign and the words “peace [...]

The internet will not eat your children

Bindi — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 06:28:26 +0000

The other day we received a booklet through the post from John Howard. It provided guidance and advice on how to protect your children from the internet. I was pleased that Mr Howard had taken the time to explain the dangers of the internet to me because: (a) I don’t have any children, and; (b) [...]

Pokemon, manga, anime and Akira

Bindi — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 22:54:16 +0000

The artistry and pure ingenuity of these animations is admirable -but why are they so strange? Nothing has ever quite disturbed me as watching these cartoons. Maybe it was just poor translation or maybe they really were as bizarre as the script suggested. Since Pokemon became so popular, people started to watch other Japanese manga [...]

The Crazy Frog

Bindi — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 12:13:59 +0000

Never has there been a more infuriating little frog. On the scale of wierdness, the Toad out of The Wind and the Willows was pretty strange -but he was a gentleman of sorts and certainly didn’t have his male genitalia hanging out. The incomprehensible “Daa Daa Di Daa Daa” etc also adds to the perverse [...]

John Howard’s Tracksuit

Bindi — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 04:12:21 +0000

Last night on the news, I saw John Howard power walking around in what must surely rival Jimmy Saville’s best wardrobe manouvres for being the most hideous tracksuit ever. A classic shellsuit number adorned Australia’s Prime Minister in grotesque lumninescent shades. Despite the news reports, I have been unable to track down an image of [...]