Unnerving, unnecessary and easily broken. Why would anyone want to clutter up their garden with these talismen of evil? Gnomes are a tradition of sorts, but their man-made ugliness always detracts from what could be a nice garden. Not only that, but they’re way below eye-level and seem to smash upon impact, leading to awkwardness on top of being an abhorration in the first place.

Too expensive, I think so! Online gaming? Not easy. Sony’s PlayStation 3 has not been anywhere near as competitive as everyone would have hoped, and its release was put back time and again too.

The PS3 is a resounding failure by all accounts. Still not sure, watch this promotional video.

Well, not quite promotional, but funny nonetheless. Agree / disagree I’m sure you will, leave a comment underneath…

Sporks: those half spoon, half fork monstrosities.

No reasoned arguments for and against here, I just don’t like them.

One of the shittiest and annoying things one has to cope with in modern life is mobile phones that are also mp3 players. Now, I do agree that perhaps having a mobile phone that doubles as an mp3 player is a good idea, as it saves carrying both things around, but to listen to this music without the use of headphones should surely be made a criminal offence.

The most annoying place to experience this is while on a bus, as you are unable to escape until either you, or the offending person gets off. You are also, of course, unable to say anything, as the people who are guilty of this terribly anti-social act are almost always chavs, listening to their own brand of shitty ‘music’, and who will threaten to ’stab you up’ or something equally violent and uncalled for if you have the nerve of politely asking them to turn it down (or preferably, off) before your brain melts.

So guess what chavs - no-one wants to hear your shitty music so turn it the hell off!

Never has there been a more infuriating little frog. On the scale of wierdness, the Toad out of The Wind and the Willows was pretty strange -but he was a gentleman of sorts and certainly didn’t have his male genitalia hanging out.

The incomprehensible “Daa Daa Di Daa Daa” etc also adds to the perverse character that has infected several thousand mobile phones and disgraced advertising segments. The rising tone and urgency of this… song? is somehow psychologically engineered to induce panic and claustrophobia.

I will not even go into the gross overpricing of the polyphonic ringtones. That could take up an entire website alone.

As though the ring tone and the dark rimmed eyes of the grey cartoon character weren’t enough, somebody thought it appropriate to extend the several seconds of horror into an entire single released into music stores across the world. Evil knows no limits. I even saw the “music video”  in the pub the other night and I had to lie down in a dark room for an hour.

A friend of mine decided that it would be funny to download this particular monstrosity onto his girlfriend’s mobile phone. Understandably, she questioned her choice of mate and promptly put the phone onto silent until she could extricate herself from the tentacles of the phone company charging her by the second for listening to the harmonies of hell.

I wish they had banned the thing as promised.

Harry Potter gets right on my nerves.

I have no problem with something which captures the imagination, and also feel that anything that gets children to read more books is almost always a Good Thing. However, when things become faddy, overmarketed, over-hyped and generally overdone, they become shit.

Harry Potter is one of those things.

No, I don’t care what is in the next Harry Potter and the dark warrior of Azerbaijan book, and neither should you, you’re thirty for heaven’s sake!

It really astounds me how many adults go so nuts over a kiddies book. There are really talented authors out there in the world, producing great works by the dozen, which are deeper, more meaningful and importantly, a better read. But no, you want to read Harry sodding Potter.

Those godawful, endless movies

With the unlikable Daniel Radcliffe as the ever annoying child prodigy, Harry, the Harry Potter movies are the most hideous pieces of filmography. Far too many special effects, hundreds of precocious little stage school brats overacting all over the place, each with their own little Oxford English accent - which should belong to the annals of the past, or upper class boarding schools - not a little orphan boy who lives in a suburban semi with his uncle and auntie.

The stupid, stupid names - which are almost stolen from Lord of The Rings

Find out the latest adventures of Gumblebore, Bumblebee, Warbly Barbly and Buggeryluggs. Bloody stupid names.

Harry Potter lunchboxes, Harry Potter toys, Harry Potter computer games, Harry Potter snakes and ladders

There are two people who promote everything that is marketed at children in the world - and this is a fact - Shrek, and Harry Potter. The seal of approval from one of these two will see any useless old piece of tat sell to every kid in the playground. The problem with this is that it means the little bugger gets everywhere. We have Harry Potter everything now! Including Harry Potter overkill.

The smarmy little prodigal son, who’s brilliant at everything… including magic. Aspirational? Impossible. The annoying little turd.

Remember when you were just a boy, and shaving had mystique? You couldn’t wait until your first shave, which would mark your progression into adulthood. Wow. That feeling wore off fast.

I hate shaving.

One problem with shaving is that, if I forget to do it, it only gets worse. The next time it will be painful. So I put it off again. Pretty soon, I’m getting funny looks, and every time I take my hat off, someone passing throws some spare change into it.

My primary annoyance, though, is not the physical act of shaving, which I dislike intensely, no, it is the cost. I use the most famous razor in the world, the Mach 3. It is the best a man can get (which is not that great). However, the replacement blades cost more per gram than cocaine.

I literally double the price of the shopping in my basket just by adding a pack of 4 razor blades! Painful, on the face, and the wallet.

I’m not talking about footwear for crocodiles. That would be cool. It’s Crocs Shoes that really get my goat.

These shoes are OK for infants, to whom bright colours and horrible design may have some appeal, but any adult who goes into a shoeshop and comes out with a pair for themselves simply needs to be told.

As with skateboarding, there is an age when you should just stop doing it. Wearing croc shoes over the age of about seven is just ridiculous. And that is where the problem lies.

I have seen whole families wearing these monstrous shoes, looking extremely smug, and probably chatting with each other about how comfortable their feet are. Comfortable they may well be, but all the stares you get from everyone you pass in public must be pretty hard to shake off.

Go and get a proper pair of shoes.