“Networking” involves standing in a room with (ostensibly) like-minded individuals who share a common desire to shaft one another given the first opportunity but must first bandwaggon in order to get into the position of being a “shafter” as opposed to a “shaftee”.
Networking is the activity through which this may be achieved. It normally involves liberal scattering of business cards, excessive “brown-nosing”, feigning interest, management speak and finger food.
This last element invokes the “free rider problem” whereby those looking for a free lunch can join the munal bullshitting in return for a selection of salmon hors d’oeuvres and crappy wine.
See also: handing out business cards (to everyone)
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Good work Don, a great first post.
I went to see if there were any good networking pictures on Google and guess what I discovered - “Speed Networking” - hahahaha.
That is the most depressing thing I have ever thought about.
If I ever attend a ‘Speed Networking’ event, please kill me. Slowly, and painfully.
Oh, and never forget the pastries with coffee at half past ten. Got to love those pastries.
Should be put in the same rubbish bin as “stakeholder relationships” and “change management”.
Try also Press Conferences (crappy food, bad wine, and having to hold them all in your left hand with your notebook while taking down the pearls of wisdom with your right hand); First Nights at Gallerys (again the same diet, this time with everyone braying at each other, standing in front of the pictures/sculptures, ignoring the artist - unless it is a She Artist with Long Blonde Hair); and Ongoing Personal Training Courses (ditto food, no drink, having to listen after the networking to a boring lecturer)…
There must be a special vineyard/distillery/factory where they make/brew/concoct the special wine for all those events?
Thank you, Don: enjoyed your piece.
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